Stardate 20210722

I noticed that I can't 'invest' in people. You obviously can however it usually comes with frustration and pain. I have to give freely and not have any expectations of what those people will do with my gift.

I can't help people. I don't think anyone can. I can help with physical stuff but it doesn't work with emotional and psychological stuff. Now that I have changed this attitude I can see why it doesn't work. :)

Stardate 20210715

I'm fat again. It's ok. lol. I think I will lose it again. I think I will let my hair grow back like my profile photo here.

There is a strange energy in the air. I feel like America is about to be re-born; into what I don't know. I have been all my life on the Left. I have always thought that socialism was better. I was wrong.

My fatal flaw was that I used an utopia as my refference. I didn't take account humans. lol. The best system for mankind is free markets. This is the purest form of democracy.

To be continued...

Stardate 20210714

The people of this planet seemed to have been bitten by the stupid virus. They have completely lost their minds. Everything is upside down. The Dems who are supposed to be for the people are actually using facist tactics, and the Reps redneck values are the one defending actual individual freedom.

That's just crazy. People are making crochet tiny penisses for small girls to put in their underwear because they are trans? lol. This world is mad. If you would have told me this 10 years ago I would have said that you are completely nuts.

You see young adults using an Apple laptop while drinking a $7 latte wanting to dismantle Capitalism? I don't think these people have one clue of what it takes to sustain a society. They definitely have no idea what it took to build it. How could they? They've never known a world without electricity, running water and regular trash pick up.

I wish 'they' would bring back civility, critical thinking, and home economics. I remember when character was something to aspire to. Now vulgarity seems to be a desireable attribute to have.

Who knows how far this rabbit hole goes. I guess we shall see. :)

Stardate 20210712

I can see how my mom is still holding on to the notion of changing people. It's strange to see. Is it a need? Is it for fun. It's intriging for sure.

Lately the need to change other people or expecting anything out of them is dissipating. My anger and frustrations have always been about the inability to accept that other people were the way they are. There was this need for them to be 'better'. This is based, of course, on an ideal...which I no longer have.

Lol. I make this sound like depression. Hahaha. It's actually a giant load off. The reality is that people are just the way are. More power to you if you want to strugle, suffer, and become frustrated by trying to change them. Also, who is to say you are right?

There are many other things I can be doing and enjoying on this planet while I'm still in it and alive. No one knows when we dies but we all act like this will go on forever or we are going to get some award at the end.

Stardate 20210711

I seem to be caught in a vortex of weird energy. Things are moving fast. It's dizzying. I have let go of so many things that even reality seems unreal.

The pain in my body is getting worse. Something odd happens on a regular basis. I have a strong migraine every Sunday. I have no idea why or what would cause this. Fibromyalgia is a pain in the ass. Actually it's a pain everywhere! lol.

Stardate 20210710

Well this has been a crazy ride. I have to process things on a daily basis. I can not look too far ahead. This is my way on "containing" and preventing me from getting lost in futile mental processes.

I was wondering how much freedom of choice do we really have. Nature created us thus everything we do is Nature. There is nothing we can do that isn't Nature. Nature is self organizing, self reffering, etc... When we do something, are we doing it or is it Nature doing it?

When an event happen, such as anything really, can we ever see it in 'real' time? I mean it take a while perhaps miliseconds in order for the information to be transferred by the senses to the brain and even more time for the brain to process this informatioin. Meanwhile the 'thing' happened already. We seem to always be a few steps behind.

My hypothesis is that life happens, Nature expresses itself with all its rules and programing. We are just bits and pieces of data in this stream. The only thing we can really do is after the fact claim whether or not we were the author of such even. Right? An event occurs. We claim it as our own, as if we did this or that. We also disavow certain events and claim it's the devil or karma. I suspect we are neither the author or non-author. We are but the notes of music being played by life on its instrument called Nature.